Sometimes it feels like I’m stuck in my own personal dreamland. Whenever life treats me badly or I’m in a situation that causes me stress I slip into my own fairytale. You’ll be talking to me and I’ll be in another world full of magic. I’m pretty sure this is not normal but it’s the only way I can protect my mind from the abuses of the people that surround me.
It started when I was little, I was a single mom child, in a world were this was shunned, forbidden, a sin. The other children couldn’t (or wouldn´t) associate with me, so I started reading ferociously, and when I was at school or couldn’t read I just slipped in my own fairytale where curiously enough I was never the princess but always the charming prince rescuing damsels in distress or dogs and I would fly around the kingdom with my loyal golden dragon (because in my mind dragons are always beautiful creatures).
It only got worse when I grew up, when my stepfather started paying me attention the only way of escaping was my inner world. That was my mechanism of coping, the only way I could wake up every morning without being afraid to death of facing anyone at my home.
Now my life is good enough that I don’t need to retreat to my sanctuary, but sometimes I just fell like finding excuses to slip into my imaginary world, I’m not the prince now, I’m not the princess either. I’m just the witch, I think she is clearly underestimated and a force to be reckoned. I want to be the bad one in the story. What would a shrink said about that? I suppose I’m just tired of being the good girl, the one every one comes with their problems, the one who’s constantly walked upon, disregarded. I’d love to be selfish and look only for me and damn the rest. Most people I know are this way and they look happy enough (okay, okay; I know not to believe everything I see). I just want to be strong enough to fight for myself, instead I fight for others, it looks I’m still the prince, uh!?
I’m pretty sure now you think I’m a nut case. Well I never claimed to be completely sane.
4 comments:
Try to be selfish, i'm sure you'll be happier.
And I think many people have their own dreamland, but maybe yours is better than most of them, you have lots of imagination..
That's the problem I just can't fathom how to do that. I guess what I like about my own imaginary world it's that it's mine alone and I don't have to share it
I will help you, don't know how, but i'll do.. we are going to convert you in a selfish person.
And this is an egoist act for my part, then i can compare your happiness being selfish and non-selfish..
Please don't use me as your own personal rat lab!!?? Just kidding, I'd be honoured to assist you in your study.
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