Can't buy me love

Today I shall not teach you, I guess anyone can recognize The Beatles song.

It all started when my mom gave birth to me, she never wanted me (she made a show of reminding me all my life) nor loved me. She sent me to live with my grandparents and come to collect me when she tought se had found a nice husband (that's a story for another time). When I came to live with them I quickly falled into their pace. For them you are the money you have. The more the money the better person you are. I was to young to realize that every time my mother made a mistake towards me in order to be forgiven she just went to the stores to buy me a present. The bigger the mistake, the bigger the present. It's been eleven years since I left home and we still play this game. It cost me years to realize that what I really wanted was an apology, and for that I continue to hate my mom.

All this has transpired into my actual life, my husband is currently unemployed, and that is affecting our lives because he thinks he is not enough man for me if he can't buy me presents. I don't want any presents, I just want love and friendship. I guess it's all my fault because my husband has learned from my family dinamics, I have always left my mum bribe me, because I tought that by accepting her gifts at least I had some kind of compensation for the hurt se subjected me to.

Wel I can see now that I was sorely mistaken, that all her gifts have made me a bitter woman. As I want to be happy again I'm going to say no the next time she gaves me a gift and ask for the apologies I deserve. Since I really want to be happy I'm going to tell my husband that I love him no matter what and that I don't need a man who supports me, I need one that loves me.
What I really want to say is that I finally see the evil ways of consumerism (you can call it capitalism too), I don't need things to be happy, I need friends and people. It's a nonsense working 10 hours a day just to have enough money to buy more expensive things so everyone can see how marvelous you are. Money doesn't define who we are, it's more important our integrity. If you have enough to live on why neglect your family to have more, don't you see that we are a really greedy society? Don't you see that this is going to bring us to extinction?

So mum, you can shove up you ass your fucking presents, I don't need them anymore. You can't bribe me anymore, it's not my fault if you're shallow, and it's not my fault if you weren't prepared to be a mom.

Ok, I feel better now.